Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
