sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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