dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
