put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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