yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
