i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
