I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
