Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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