Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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