Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
