I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
