Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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