We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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