It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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