the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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