I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
