Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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