a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
