He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
