My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
