does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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