You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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