I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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