Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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