We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
