Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
