girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I need to stop coming to work sober
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
