its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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