I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
