well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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