God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
