just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
