he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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