This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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