I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
