Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
