You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
