the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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