My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
