Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
