Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
