Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
