the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
