If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
