at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
