i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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