My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
