We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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