clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
