then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
