You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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