oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
