Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
