Swine flu. Run for my life!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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