Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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